i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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