I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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