my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
