You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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