some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
