God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
