why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
last night I used snow as a chaser
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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