I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
