you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
