I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Terrible idea I love it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
