Already got asked if we're dating
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
