i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
