Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
