I hate all girls vehemently.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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