I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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