Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
