im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just cut my nipple shaving
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dick very happy bro
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
