it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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