Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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