I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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