new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
