Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
