I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
false alarm. still invincible.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
