I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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