I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
