Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
