We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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