You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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