I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
