Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
