he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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