Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
