i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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