Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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