Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
