she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you never un-have a 4some
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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