tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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