Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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