oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
