I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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