My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
