I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
