You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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