so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
