I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
