He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
