Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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