I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
