Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So vagazzling was a success
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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