also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
