Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
